Commit This To Memory

Commit This To Memory

June 30, 2010, 10:19 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Motion City Soundtrack

I’m sick of the things I do when I’m nervous, like cleaning the oven or checking my tires. Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling.

Head for the hills, the kitchen’s on fire!

I had a mental breakdown today. It was as crazy as Motion City Soundtrack’s frontman Justin Pierre’s hair.

But before I get into that, I have to say a few things:

Dear Kenny Adams, please just give Commit This To Memory a few spins. It really is their best record, and it means a lot to me. Hopefully you can find something in it that will make you like it, too.

Also, get used to me writing about music. If you haven’t figured this out by now, music is my passion. Brand New is my first favorite band, and Motion City Soundtrack is easily my second favorite. These are the two bands that I can connect with.

‘Cause I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, talking with strangers, waiting in line. I’m through with these pills that make me sit still.

(Are you feeling fine?)

Yes, I feel just fine.

Everything about this album (Commit This To Memory) is how I feel on a day-to-day basis. Along with Relient K, I will force feed this album to myself in attempts to cheer myself up. Sometimes it works. Other times, it doesn’t. Today it worked.

Out of nowhere, I had one of the fiercest anxiety attacks I can remember. I felt like I was a nuisance and a burden to everyone. That nobody wanted me. Nobody wanted to be around me. Nobody wanted to associate with me. These are all very irrational thoughts, because I know it’s not true, but during times of crisis, they’re as real as driving 90mph down the parkway to visit your mom at work to talk about your problems. Which, might I add, is exactly what I did.

I panicked. I had two options; fight or flight. I chose “flight”. I had to leave. I wanted to just go. Just not be here/at my house. If I stayed a minute longer, I would have chosen “fight”, and quite possibly caused harm to myself or others. None of my friends were near me, and I had nowhere to go. I thought about going to the ocean. I thought about driving out to Mays Landing. I chose to go to Marmora, because the other two options weren’t productive. Talking to my mom really helps me out in the biggest way.

Good thing I didn’t choose “fight”. If I did, there’s a good possibilty I’d be in the ER at Shore Memorial. Maybe even Ancora. These are two things I don’t want to think about right now.

Everything is alright. For now, at least. I see that asshole Dr. Gowda next Tuesday (I think), and I’m going to demand that motherfucker to prescribe me Xanax. My medications are not helping my anxiety at all, and I definitely need a “chill pill”.

Until then, I’m going to listen to “Time Turned Fragile” (mainly its beautiful outro) on repeat, and things will eventually lighten up. Also, around midnight, I’m getting a milkshake at Denny’s. I need a milkshake right now.

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